Supporting Men For Better Mental Health

Men need support as much as women do, but statistics from the CDC show that only around 13% of men go to counselling each year, about half the number of women. Women, in general, see healthcare providers more often, getting contraception and having healthcare checkups. Men tend to go when there is a problem.  We need to get better at supporting men.

Life can sometimes be challenging, but men tend to reach out much later than women. Early intervention is key to a quick recovery in any healthcare. When things get complicated, anxiety or depression can set in. It can happen to anyone at some stage in their lives. Anxiety and depression, when left unaddressed, can lead to further breakdown of communication, impacting your life and the lives of your loved ones.

Men approach conflicts and relationship issues differently than women. They see a problem and seek to fix it to gain control of the situation before it gets out of hand. They may feel frustrated and angry when things are outside of their control. At a glance, they will seem more closed off or dismissive when asked if anything is wrong. They may also reduce their interactions with others. 

Men often suppress their feelings as much as possible if the issues get too complicated. Suppression of emotions often leads to physical aches and pains, which can result in irritability and a negative temperament. 

As depression sets in, they begin to cycle through feelings of anger, hurt and despair. They can also become highly lonely, thinking no one loves or cares for them as emotional isolation sinks in. To feel alive and regain identity, they may engage in physical activities that offer them instant rewards, such as working more hours as a distraction.

How do we get better at supporting men?

Like women, men need a safe place for them to be able to open up. It is harder for men to be accepted for feeling vulnerable. Men have been taught to manage their life and be in control to achieve desirable lifestyles. They also focus on finding quick solutions to keep their loved ones happy.

One most significant barrier is expecting them to find the courage and overcome it. Compassion and empathy go a long way. That said, not everyone is equipped with compassion and empathy as part of their parting gift from being in a relationship. Relationship issues usually arise when couples are not able to communicate effectively. When things spiral out of control and despair sets in, their only focus is on how much they have failed themselves in managing their lives. Being emotionally invested in the conflict can be a significant barrier to developing and maintaining compassion and empathy. 

Counselling is an excellent way to open up about their issues or concerns. It gives them a supportive environment to open up about how they feel. 

Counselling through Counsellors NZ offers a flexible and convenient way to book your counselling sessions. Making counselling more accessible to men that live remotely and those that work long hours.  Some counsellors will even offer a free 15-20 minute first session, click here to learn more about that.

If you are supporting a man through his life issues, remember that you too may need some counselling to help yourself recharge. It would help if you acknowledged that you are also hurt from the conflicts, from being frequently dismissed and ignored, which can impact intimacy and closeness to him. 

How does counselling help?

Counselling and online counselling can help us to analyse our mental well-being. Cognitive behaviour therapy, Solution focus and Motivational therapy are commonly used to start addressing presenting concerns.

Online counselling is done via Zoom, providing the best security and connection for your session. You can connect to your Zoom counselling session via your PC, laptop or mobile phone. All sessions start with the camera off, and you are welcome to leave it that way if it helps you feel more comfortable.

A counsellor provides a neutral setting for the client to tell their story. How the journey unravels depends on the collaboration between the counsellor and the client. Ultimately, the client needs to feel safe and supported for the therapy to be effective.

Counselling is a supportive approach that helps clients better understand themselves. It allows you to think things through and make decisions rather than just react to life the way you always have.

How long will it take?

Collaboration is critical in forming the courage and confidence to embark on the journey to look into ourselves. During the trip, you may uncover some past events that shaped who you are today. Relationship issues may be the tip of the iceberg.

Men that had experienced trauma at some stage in their life may feel more closed off and often less willing to partake in counselling. They will avoid situations or places that will trigger emotions from their trauma. They will likely experience physical discomfort as they become distressed. These are the common signs of someone that shares PTSD- Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder; left untreated, it can get in the way of daily living for themselves and loved ones.

Treatments may involve:

  • Teach them specific skills to address the symptoms. Having new tools will help cope when a particular event triggers opposing emotions.
  • Changing mindset and promoting positive self-talk.
  • Addressing other issues such as depression, anxiety and misuse of alcohol and drugs.

How long this all takes depends very much on the type of problem and how early counselling has been conducted. 

Brief intervention counselling is a type of counselling that focuses on negative behaviour such as alcohol abuse and seeks to address it. Generally, this type of counselling can be as short as 3-10 sessions.   

Psychodynamic therapy styles address depression and offer more extended-term support for clients.   

What does recovery look like?

All good things take time. Healing will happen when there is acceptance. Therapy gives you a chance to rewrite a new story. You can get to know and learn from one another in a relationship. Learning new tools can improve communication from being abrupt and defensive to one that is inviting and warm. It will involve some trial and error before you get it right. Utilise therapy sessions as your sounding board to analyse your communication with each other.

If you care for a friend or a relative through anxiety and depression, you can best stay in touch with them. Loneliness and emotional isolation can be challenging to overcome. Be the person that they can confide in without expectation. Give them space to express, explore and analyse their thoughts, crowding their mind.

Being there to listen, knowing that you do not have to provide any answers or have to make any judgments, is a great way to become better at supporting men.

Anxiety – 10 Powerful Methods to Overcome

Anxiety Symptoms

To better understand your anxious feelings, you could try the Severity Measure for Generalised Anxiety Disorder. This self-assessment tool will help you identify how your anxiety levels compare to the general population.

 Let’s take a look at some anxiety symptoms:

  1. Sometimes your heart starts to race, and you get shortness of breath, you may begin to feel dizzy, and your body may tremble. These are all symptoms that you have a panic attack. Panic attacks, also known as anxiety attacks, are a type of anxiety disorder.
  2.  I am feeling uncomfortable and sweating more than usual when in social situations. Thoughts can be about being an outsider while at a social gathering. These are all signs of social anxiety that may start with leaving early and lead to complete avoidance. 
  3.  Anxiety can affect your ability to concentrate or focus. Forgetting things off the shopping list and getting distracted at work are signs of anxiety. The inability to concentrate can make a person useless, which creates further anxiety.  
  4. Are you feeling Nervous? It is normal to feel nervous about an event outside your comfort zone, such as a one-off public speech. However, suppose that anxious feeling is not event-based or based on something that is an everyday task. In that case, it is more severe and likely to be an anxiety disorder.  
  5. A sense of impending doom is generally a sense that something terrible will happen. The phrase itself tells us that there is a high level of fear and uncertainty about something that has yet to happen. The feeling of anxiety comes from a fear of what will happen in the future.
  6. Perfectionism is the thought that the finished result must be of a very high standard. Perfectionism is not realistic for most of us in a busy everyday life with lots of things to do. It puts a lot of pressure on the individual and could be the underlying cause of anxiety disorders. It could also be a symptom of the anxiety disorder, as doing things of high standard helps reduce anxiety for the person with the disorder.

Overcome Anxiety:

1. Be in the present. It is helpful to think about the past and learn from it. It is also beneficial to think about the future and be better prepared. Also, spend some time in the present, a place where you are free from past regret and future uncertainty. To bring yourself to the present, think about what you see around you, what you can hear, smell, and taste. Use your senses to get yourself to be in the present.

2. Believe in yourself! Having confidence in yourself means that you can handle things no matter the hurdles you have to overcome. You are willing to take on risks and overcome obstacles. Sometimes it is easier said than done.

3. Look at your past accomplishments. What makes you proud? What wise decisions have you made in the past?

4. You are your own worst critic. So it is time to think about what others have said that they admire or like about you. What positive things do your friends say?

5. Do tasks where you feel you have control. Prove to yourself that you are confident.

6. Lower the bar. Things do not have to be perfect. Affirm yourself for giving things a go. Think about how no one is good at everything, and most of the time, it takes practice to build skill and confidence.

7. Diet, Exercise, & Sleep. These three things are essential to keep your body and mind healthy. If they are out of balance, it will increase your anxiety. Start by making three easy changes:

  1. Go to bed at a regular time.
  2. Go for a 20-minute walk each day.
  3. Reduce alcohol and caffeine intake.

8. Just get started. Anxiety can be paralysing, and the longer you wait, the more stress can build.

9. Do something that makes you proud. Activities that will help improve your self-esteem and confidence.

10, Anxiety Benefits. Recognise anxiety as a natural feeling and acknowledge that it is not something you want to
eliminate. Anxiety helps us be productive and meet deadlines. Anxiety helps us avoid dangerous situations where we put ourselves at risk.

Early intervention

Like any health problem seeking early treatment can mean a faster road to recovery.

Start using the cognitive interventions described in this article. Measure the intervention results using the Severity Measure for Generalised Anxiety Disorder tool. If you do not see any improvement, book your first online counselling for free here: 

Are you Hypervigilant?

Hypervigilance can lead to anxiety and stress.

In Omicron Phase three, we are no longer being restricted on places we can and cannot go. In this self-management model, it is up to us to keep ourselves safe including our loved ones, workplace and the local community. While we are vigilantly doing this, we often ignore the impact it has on our mental well being.

Common symptoms can include:

  • Feelings of losing control.
  • Experience of emotional distress.
  • Feelings of sadness and emotional pain from memories.
  • Feeling alienated thinking that you will be judged and made to feel unwelcomed.
  • Difficulty being around people that appear to be erratic or chaotic.
  • Urge to constantly keep tabs on the whereabouts of your family members and friends.
  • Feelings of frustration and anger when the internet connection cuts out or when the electronics fail to function properly.

There are ways to cope with hypervigilance.

  • Exercise -Regular exercise promotes positive health focus. It also helps reduce the stress hormones namely adrenalin and cortisol. Exercising helps create endorphins in our brain. Endorphin is beneficial in elevating our moods and acts as a natural painkiller.
  • Medication – Please consult your doctor on suitable medication to help regulate your moods. It is also normal for your doctor to recommend talk therapy in conjunction with medication prescriptions.
  • Talking therapy or counselling therapy is a good way to help address the stressors that lead to anxiety. The most commonly used therapy modality is Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT). The main focus of CBT is to analyze the negative thoughts that fuel your anxiety and address them. There are many ways you can get counselling therapy, either by contacting a counselling centre or finding them online.
  • Complimentary therapies such as meditation and psychoeducation can also be helpful. We get better as we learn more ways to cope with our worries.

There are many solutions out there on how to cope with anxiety and stress. The first step is to acknowledge that you need help. I offer one on one online counselling sessions. Bookings are available on